Tough question, but need help. Trying to understand what her intentions are?
Hoping to get a woman’s opinion, really trying to get inside this girl’s head. I fell for a girl who is unavailable (serious boyfriend) but used to get the strong impression she felt the same about me. We have known each other for close to a year. At first, whenever we were together, we were inseparable and I would get all the signals; flirting, touching, great eye contact… so much so, my friends all noticed. We would talk with basically no filters, yet I was never the shoulder to cry on or anything like that. Our conversations were always positive and the topic of her boyfriend or anyone I was seeing never ever came up. This kind of behavior went on for months and each time a little more flirtatious and obvious than the last. A couple months ago, at her b-day, she was exceptionally flirty. Ever since that night, it seems like things have changed a little bit. It wasn’t that she was acting distant with me, but she didn’t pay me the close attention she used to. She seemed to treat me as just a very good friend. It was the first time I felt I was in the ‘friend zone’. And then, when we were completely alone, she acted a lot more like the old self, all of this leaving me very confused. Made me wonder if she noticed something, or someone said something to her about how she acted on her b day and felt she had to tone it down. In my mind, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have feelings for, but maybe she thinks she shouldn’t (women, chime in).
I ended up meeting her and some of her friends out for some drinks last night. I went in there intent to be very aware of any possible signals. It seemed like a mix of both pre and post b day behavior. Like when talking, she would still touch my arm every once in a while and there was eye contact. I am not sure if this is in my head, maybe was trying to pay attention to everything else or could have just been the surroundings, but the eye contact used to be a little more intense, like she was holding back something (because she would never make the first move if something ever did happen between us). I did notice her pupils were a bit dilated, which I read is a sign of attraction, but she was surrounded by friends having a good time and it wasn’t exactly the brightest room (could have been why dilated).
Sorry for the length. Just hoping to get the female perspective of where she might be coming from and please be blunt if I am just over analyzing. Does she seem into me but maybe confused? Is there something I am not seeing, and she isn’t into me other than for friendship? Could she have felt the same, but gotten over it? Any way to get it back? From what I know, her and the boyfriend seem to be doing well, so I don’t think she is coming to me to get what the boyfriend doesn’t give her.
I am absolutely crazy for this girl, and that feeling only really gets stronger over time. I have tried distancing myself and moving on, dating other people, but none of it works. How should I handle this?
It’s not that complicated. She realized the flirting was getting out of hand and decided to back off because she’s committed to being with her boyfriend. It’s that simple.
Did you intentionally set out to flirt with a girl who already had a boyfriend and try to break a relationship up? Or was it just that she was interesting and before you knew it, you were flirting? Same with her. She didn’t set out to be a flirt while in a relationship, it just happened. As it happens in all relationships. When it started to cross a line it shouldn’t, though, she made a choice between being loyal or being "that person" who breaks up a happy relationship just because someone else interesting comes along. She decided to be loyal. Good girl.
What this really comes down to is that you’re being a selfish prick. That’s the truth, whether you want to admit it or not. You’re being selfish by putting your wants above hers, as she clearly wants to stay in the relationship she’s in. You’re being selfish by wanting her to flirt with you like you’re more than a friend, despite friendship clearly being what she wants with you at this time. You’re being selfish by breaking every rule in the book in terms of how to act around another guy’s girl, knowing full well that you’d be furious if she was with you and some other guy was acting like this. You’re being selfish by wanting her to be with you even if it costs her a relationship she enjoys and turns her life upside down, instead of wanting her to be happy (which is what you’d feel if you actually LOVED her, not just loved the idea of you being with her).
How should you handle this?
You should handle it by growing some balls and acting like an adult man, and not a "ME ME ME, it’s all about MEEEEEE" boy. You back off, respect her wishes and just be a friend, and in the meantime keep dating around. Everyone remembers the first time they felt that "spark", but most of us have been in relationships with those people and had them blow up in our face. That spark is meaningless on its own, and you’ll feel it with a lot of women throughout your life.
Look, I know where you’re coming from. As recently as 3 years ago, I was in a similar situation with a married woman. We’ve all been there. We either decide to be honorable or regret it later. Those are the ONLY two outcomes. Young and stupid people think they’re the first ones to ever be in a situation, when it’s happened billions of times before. You will either be an honorable person and a good friend by backing off, or you’ll keep chasing after her like a complete douche and feel crushing guilt/regret/self-loathing later when it blows up in your face (hint: even if she leaves him for you, she’ll resent you for it). If she ever breaks up with him and wants something more with you, she knows where you find you. Don’t waste any more of your time (or hers) by obsessing.
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at her bday party was she drinking, if so that could of been y she was more flirty then usual.. As for everything else, it could of been something more then just friendly flirting, but she was not really sure how u felt, so she didn’t persue it.
If she is happy with her current bf, then i would suggest moving on and finding someone else that catches your attentionReferences :
It’s not that complicated. She realized the flirting was getting out of hand and decided to back off because she’s committed to being with her boyfriend. It’s that simple.
Did you intentionally set out to flirt with a girl who already had a boyfriend and try to break a relationship up? Or was it just that she was interesting and before you knew it, you were flirting? Same with her. She didn’t set out to be a flirt while in a relationship, it just happened. As it happens in all relationships. When it started to cross a line it shouldn’t, though, she made a choice between being loyal or being "that person" who breaks up a happy relationship just because someone else interesting comes along. She decided to be loyal. Good girl.
What this really comes down to is that you’re being a selfish prick. That’s the truth, whether you want to admit it or not. You’re being selfish by putting your wants above hers, as she clearly wants to stay in the relationship she’s in. You’re being selfish by wanting her to flirt with you like you’re more than a friend, despite friendship clearly being what she wants with you at this time. You’re being selfish by breaking every rule in the book in terms of how to act around another guy’s girl, knowing full well that you’d be furious if she was with you and some other guy was acting like this. You’re being selfish by wanting her to be with you even if it costs her a relationship she enjoys and turns her life upside down, instead of wanting her to be happy (which is what you’d feel if you actually LOVED her, not just loved the idea of you being with her).
How should you handle this?
You should handle it by growing some balls and acting like an adult man, and not a "ME ME ME, it’s all about MEEEEEE" boy. You back off, respect her wishes and just be a friend, and in the meantime keep dating around. Everyone remembers the first time they felt that "spark", but most of us have been in relationships with those people and had them blow up in our face. That spark is meaningless on its own, and you’ll feel it with a lot of women throughout your life.
Look, I know where you’re coming from. As recently as 3 years ago, I was in a similar situation with a married woman. We’ve all been there. We either decide to be honorable or regret it later. Those are the ONLY two outcomes. Young and stupid people think they’re the first ones to ever be in a situation, when it’s happened billions of times before. You will either be an honorable person and a good friend by backing off, or you’ll keep chasing after her like a complete douche and feel crushing guilt/regret/self-loathing later when it blows up in your face (hint: even if she leaves him for you, she’ll resent you for it). If she ever breaks up with him and wants something more with you, she knows where you find you. Don’t waste any more of your time (or hers) by obsessing.References :